Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression, Stigma Index Page

My name is Maureen. As you see from my home page, I published an autobiography entitled Out of Joint. In it I tell the story of undiagnosed bipolar depression not only in my life, but in the lives of my childhood family. I've suffered from depressive symptoms throughout my life, though this realisation is relatively new to me. So I tell my story as it happened in the context of depression. My story will help you accept your illness or the illness of someone you love.

In retrospect, I'm amazed at how people closest to me were oblivious to the darkness I struggled to conceal. Granted, I didn't tell anyone but extreme symptoms must have been obvious like frenetic activity then remaining in bed for days, frequent outbursts of anger for no apparent reason, crying spells and bouts of amnesia. These behaviours were met with pregnant pauses, diverted eyes, but mostly silence.

denial and avoidance. Silence discourages diagnosis and treatment. And silence sustains stigma, which is a social blight throughout the world. We begin by talking about it. But too many think talking about their illness is social suicide. So sick loved ones misbehave and we turn the other way. The vast majority of bipolar depression is therefore undiagnosed because too many mentally ill people believe if they go it alone in silence they at least have a fighting chance of one day being normal again. This view can be deadly. Diagnosis and treatment are paramount. Avoiding talking about mental illness is not just an aspect of a personal illness but of the unhealthy society in which stigma thrives. The section on stigma is presently under development. For now, we can safely say that stigma toward the mentally ill continues unabated. After all, it has taken thousands of years to evolve. We are therefore socially hard-wired to reject with repugnance mental illness, and then, in a politically correct moment, believe we don't.

This web site is different from most web sites on depression in that this site will remain extremely vocal against social stigma toward people with bipolar depression. Over the next months and years we will tackle social stigma against the mentally ill with a vengeance. Other sites and most researchers tread carefully in this emotional minefield. Stigma is difficult to broach because this population is extremely vulnerable, especially at the start of the recovery process. But is a cautious reluctance to vocally challenge stigma a wise approach? I'm convinced it's not.

What's confounding is that compassion motivates caring researchers to guard their language while gently managing stigma in the literature. Stigma is frequently referred to as a fact but is rarely described in detail. Why? People collectively think stigmatic thoughts and feel stigmatic emotions for self-serving reasons and this generates relevant concerns in ohters. I understand their concerns. One concern is burdening associates, friends, and family with guilt. Another is that openly detailing stigma may actually alienate family members who are also primary carers and who may already fear, judge, and doubt that things like bipolar disorder is credible. I know from personal experience how family members are sometimes angry, and take this out on their mentally ill loved ones. And so mental health professionals sometimes guard their words, and are even quiet when it comes to stigma. They may view silence as a standard of care. This silence may create an illusion of safety, but I assure you silence is more a fool's paradise than safe.

My research leads me to conclude that social stigma is the primary source of confusion and anger. Stigma makes judgment unavoidable even among professionals. When I watched the movie Prozac Nation, I thought the teen with bipolar depression was selfish. This was my gut reaction; me of all people since I'm so much against it. I'm against social stigma because it fans the flames of this emotional knee jerk reaction in me. I'm not guilty of stigma when I judged the young woman in Prozac Nation. Stigma is a collective enterprise as natural as breathing and why it must be fought.

The result of caution and guarded words is that the topic of stigma toward the mentally ill is shunned out of caring compassion as much as the illness is shunned in a less caring stigmatised world. Silence is the outcome in both cases. This site is different from most in that stigma is openly discussed, challenged, and shown for the gutless coward that it is.

This site is also different in other ways. I'm collecting video, news and various media clips that are examples of bipolar behaviours. The flash clips will be linked to the symptoms described in the 'Bipolar Info' section. I need to see how I look/behave when I'm depressed and these flash files will provide me and others what I believe to be essential opportunities, as hard as it may be at times, like the sad photo of me below. I must embrace without judgment how I sometimes appear.

This site will also provide bandwidth and guidance to help people with bipolar depression and the ones who care to tell their stories. I I'm asking you to email me your story and photos. Silence is the enemy of bipolar depression. Your public voices and images are its friends. Openness, candid honesty, and coming out of the closet without shame are essential if we are to loosen the grip of stigma; and believe me, it's grip is like a vise. I will incorporate your words and your photos in an organised blog-like story that will be your contribution in the battle against stigma on this site. Stigma thrives in an atmosphere of silent shame and anxious isolation. I will soon be describing in more detail how your stories will find a home on My Depression Web Site.

This site is also different in that it will promote the development of a codified 'recovery process'. Lacking in the literature is a consistent pattern of recovery for bipolar patients. Tens of millions of people are being treated daily for this illness

and have been for decades. I've asked my therapist, "Where am I in the recovery process?" Curiously, this question is met with awkwardness as he fumbled for words, "Each patient is unique. Bipolar depression is a complicated illness." But for other complicated medical conditions treatment and the calendar go hand in hand. For example, plastic surgeons are up front as to what patients may expect from the beginning to the end of procedures. This is also true of bone fractures. The orthopedic surgeon describes in dispassionate but reassuring candour what patients may expect. The doctor discusses a surgical procedure in which the bone fragments are pinned followed by a few weeks of taking it easy, then light exercise, and finally removing the pins that paves the way for rehabilitation. This is a simple outline of a complicated recovery process. At any point in time the patient understands where he or she is at in this process.

It seems reasonable to expect that eventually the recovery process for bipolar depression will follow a similar timeline. So far, the recovery process is not presently obvious. If there is no cure, recovery will follow a management protocol, as with diabetes. Perhaps talking about recovery and its process will encourage some brilliant academic to look, see, and codify the recovery process.

Finally, the latest research of bipolar behaviour and treatments will be prepared in concise simple to understand synopses. Psychological research is frequently written in what appears to be psycho babble or sites offer clever memorable marketing phrases. I will read research and write concise synopses and include these in the 'Bipolar Info' section attempting to reduce ambiguity.

I don't know if I will succeed, but my vision is to turn on a bright light and illuminate stigma that it may be seen for the heartless cultural bad collective habit that it is. There is no benefit to being silent about stigma. Of this I'm convinced. Silence keeps us isolated, others insulated, and the world victimized by an illness that will not go away on its own. It needs your help.

We will be good friends here in our fledgling community. The Internet is the virtual place to be. So I'm inviting everyone to visit, talk, share, and help me make this a safe haven especially in the night while families sleep. As time goes by, people will be here needing you 24 hours a day as badly as you need them. Immediate Messaging (IM) will be integrated in this site offering light and hope.

I will begin my part of our relationship by candidly describing where I am in the world, in my mind, and who and what in both places are good and not so good for my recovery.