Talking honestly with you like I know I must is unnerving. Honesty after a lifetime of dread is carelessness to me. Hiding in my life from others, hiding from myself, just plain hiding was essential. I was the tree behind which no one could find me in a mad game of hide-and-seek. Given the history of mental illness in my family (Family Tree), who could blame me? Keeping my mouth shut was sensible because I understood that the confusing and sometimes wild world inside my head wasn't acceptable in the world outside my head. Silently withdrawing until I was more controlled was reasonable. It was a survival trait. Others included concealing vulnerabilities and trusting no one.
